You don't have to be Colombo to piece the rather obvious clues together and see what's been going on right under millions of American noses each week on Tuesday and Wednesday nights.
First, the recent series of leg injuries, a "hamstring pull" that put Berkman out of commission for 6 games, now it appears a "hyperextended" knee will put the portly slugger on the shelf for a few more games. Those close to Berkman are attributing the injuries to baseball-related incidents, but there is a growing number of concerned Americans who have figured out what's really going on.
Let me put it this way, have you ever seen Lance Berkman and Taylor Hicks at the same place at the same time? Of course not!
The jig is up Lance/Taylor. You can't hide behind your "Taylor Hicks" alter ego any longer. We know you pulled your hammy during your American Idol quarter final performance of Elvis's hit Jailhouse Rock. We also know your teammates on the Astros call you Fat Elvis. it's clear you have been moonlighting as a contestant on America's Most Popular TV show for the past 3 months because it gave you the opportunity to shine in a way that baseball never could. On 'Idol' you could be someone unencumbered by your inhibitions and dance in a way that would never be overshadowed by Albert Pujols. Unfortunately, you danced too hard. You flew too close to the sun on wings with gray highlights and America actually picked you to win the whole ball of yarn. Now the spotlight is burning bright and there aren't eight other men in pinstripes around to take some of your heat for you. America wants you, but the Astros need you.
The Taylor thing had its run, but now its over. We want our Lance Berkman back. Lance, if you feel the need to keep dancing, I will personally appeal to Uncle Drayton to let you boogie down for the crowd during the seventh inning stretch at home games.
The charade has gone on long enough. The Astros are depending on you.
