Presently in the iPod

  • Wildflowers, Tom Petty
  • Dino, Dean Martin
  • Vs, Pearl Jam
  • Redemption Songs, Jars of Clay
  • Suddenly I Miss Everyone, Explosions in the Sky

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Missed Me?

While I've been away, here is what you missed.

1. Kathy and I bought a house in Misery City Texas this Summer.
2. We didn't get pregnant this year. (did'nt try to Mom).
3. The Astros flopped again.
4. Romo Mania put a whole new paint job on my NFL season.
5. I won a free Big Screen Samsung flat panel DLP HDTV (1080i)from Sports Radio the Animal 790 AM for naming their new mid-day show.
6. We are proud parents of a new pound puppy.
7. I lost nearly 10 pounds.
8. I gained nearly 10 pounds.
9. I've taken up Golf.
10. Did I mention Romo Mania?

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Celebrity Pastor Death Match - SBC Style


This past week at the Southern Baptist Convention in Greensboro, North Carolina a couple of heavyweight Pastors squared off on a topic sure to produce warm fuzzy, cumba-ya, friends forever emotions from the "messengers"--yes, you guessed it! All together now--Calvinism.

In one corner was former SBC President and Southwestern Theological Seminary bossman Paige Patterson. In the other corner was Southern Baptist Theological Seminary President Al Mohler. Ok, the headline of my post may have exaggerated things a bit--it wasn't a death match, or even a debate for all practical purposes, but if I've learned anything from blogging, its that you must hook your readers in with a splashy title (or did I learn that from Rick Warren?).

For any of you Southern Baptists interested in the goings on of the annual convention, click here. The Pure Church blog has done a wonderful job of transcribing the session. I was actually very encouraged by both men and it is a credit to our denomination to have an example of brotherly love and respect, despite disagreements over certain sticky doctrinal issues. It's worth your read for sure.

Also check out the Thoughts and Adventures blog where Scott Lamb is live blogging the election of the new president.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Berkman Must Come Clean

It's time for Lance Berkman to tell the truth. There has been an unmistakable dark cloud of suspicion hanging over the Astros' superstar first baseman's head for the past 3 months and America needs closure.

You don't have to be Colombo to piece the rather obvious clues together and see what's been going on right under millions of American noses each week on Tuesday and Wednesday nights.

First, the recent series of leg injuries, a "hamstring pull" that put Berkman out of commission for 6 games, now it appears a "hyperextended" knee will put the portly slugger on the shelf for a few more games. Those close to Berkman are attributing the injuries to baseball-related incidents, but there is a growing number of concerned Americans who have figured out what's really going on.

Let me put it this way, have you ever seen Lance Berkman and Taylor Hicks at the same place at the same time? Of course not!




The jig is up Lance/Taylor. You can't hide behind your "Taylor Hicks" alter ego any longer. We know you pulled your hammy during your American Idol quarter final performance of Elvis's hit Jailhouse Rock. We also know your teammates on the Astros call you Fat Elvis. it's clear you have been moonlighting as a contestant on America's Most Popular TV show for the past 3 months because it gave you the opportunity to shine in a way that baseball never could. On 'Idol' you could be someone unencumbered by your inhibitions and dance in a way that would never be overshadowed by Albert Pujols. Unfortunately, you danced too hard. You flew too close to the sun on wings with gray highlights and America actually picked you to win the whole ball of yarn. Now the spotlight is burning bright and there aren't eight other men in pinstripes around to take some of your heat for you. America wants you, but the Astros need you.

The Taylor thing had its run, but now its over. We want our Lance Berkman back. Lance, if you feel the need to keep dancing, I will personally appeal to Uncle Drayton to let you boogie down for the crowd during the seventh inning stretch at home games.

The charade has gone on long enough. The Astros are depending on you.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Back from the Dead


Ok kids, Ryno has returned with lots of great stories from the East Coast vacation, some of them are even true. There have been rumors floating around that Ryno is now permanently referring to himself in the third person, let me assure you, those rumors are fabrications of the ugliest stripe.

The no alarms crack staff is currently compiling material from my copious notes, diagrams, and various police reports from places like New Haven and Martha's Vineyard into what will eventually be must-read blog fare. There will come a day my friends, when those posts are made public for your enjoyment. Alas, that day is not today.

That's not to say I don't have something useful for you, so pay attention--I'll only say this once. There is a new artist named Phil Wickham who just released his major label debut, simply titled "Phil Wickham". I have been anxiously awaiting the release of this album since I heard an early preview of the single "Grace" about two months ago. The album lives up to the hype.

For those of you who haven't heard of Phil Wickham, his music reminds me of some of my favorite artists; Radiohead, Jeff Buckley, Coldplay. This guy has large talent and at 21 years old, Dr. Jack Ramsay would say the kid has "tremendous upside potential". Check out this link at grassroots music to sample the album.

So far I'm really digging track #2 (Messiah) the most, but the entire album is a moving reflection of deeply personal worship and crying for God's will and forgiveness. You can get it on iTunes today. You heard it here first!

I'll be back with a series of posts and pics from vacation and the marathon. Until then, let the soothing tones of Phil Wickham tide you over.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated

Well, what can I say, it's great to be loved and wanted--at least by two very classy readers. I must be honest, my recent hiatus from blogging has been a result of a combination of out of town business trips, laziness, and lack of time (not necessarily in that order). Don't worry though, I'm not the Joel Bain type if you can smell what I'm stepping in (wink wink).

Tomorrow morning my superstar hot athlete wife and I are flying up to the unholy land of the Northeast USA. New York and Boston to be precise. We are looking forward to some good ole' fashion Howell-spitality this weekend and then its on to Beantown for the marathon on Monday. Just to be clear, my wife will be the one running and I'll be the one cheering. Please keep us in your prayers as we travel and also pray that Kathy has a great run and enjoys her dream of running in Boston. She has worked very hard to qualify for this race and persevered through many nagging injuries to get to this point. Yes, its true--I definitely married up.

We are also looking forward to seeing our favorite Lubbock-ite (now you can't say I never threw you a shout out!) as she will be joining us for the Boston Marathon Experience too. It should be a fantabulous weekend. I have never been to the Big Apple or to Boston and I'm very much looking forward to visiting ground zero and other such destinations (perhaps The Grand canyon or Mt. Rushmore, aren't they in NY?), but more importantly it will be good to hang out with long lost friends.

I'll more than likely be out of pocket most of next week while we are on vacation, but I'll be thinking about my darling readers while I'm gone and I promise to comeback strong with pictures and stories from the trip.

Hasta--Ryno

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Counting the Cost

Many of you may have heard about the developing story of Abdul Rahman, the afghan medical aid worker who converted to Christianity from Islam 16 years ago, who is currently being brought up on charges by the Afghan government that could result in the death penalty.

There is much political wrangling and positioning going on by American and foreign governments to attempt to diffuse attention away from the issue at hand--that basic human rights, such as freedom to practice your religion peacefully, do not exist in Islamic controlled countries. What is interesting is that one of the prosecutors has introduced the idea that Rahman could very well be mentally disturbed and that would mean that he would be set free, because Islamic law doesn't allow punishment of mentally handicapped individuals. To which I say, Hogwash!

It is the easy way out to declare him insane. To anyone who has seen Rahman speak or read anything he has said, it is clear that he is in possession of all mental faculties. The "madness" that has allegedly caused him to embrace Christianity might be better categorized as "Holy Spirit".

Please be praying for Abdul and all fellow Christians in Afghanistan and other Muslim countries who are forced to hide their belief in Christ. May God continue to give him boldness in the face of losing his very life. May the Holy Spirit speak through him powerfully as a testimony to all who hear him.

This is an amazing case of someone who has truly counted the cost, taken up their cross, and said like Paul "to live is Christ and to die is gain". May it be an example to all of us comfortable American Christians who are too timid to share Christ to our neighbors and coworkers because they may think differently of us.

I leave you with this passage: "If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own, but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the words that I say unto you, the servant is not greater than his master. If they persecuted me they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours. But all these things they will do to you on account of my name, because they do not know him who sent me." -John 15:18-21 (esv)

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Blinking All The Way to the Bank


It may be getting hard out there for a pimp, but don't tell that to Lakewood Church's Pastor and pop-psychology guru Joel Osteen. The Houston Chronicle reports today that Osteen's new book deal with Simon and Shuster is one of the most lucrative ever. Soon Osteen will be blinking and blinging away to the tune of at least 13 Million dollars of guaranteed up-front money.

You can certainly scratch a basketball arena full of itching ears for that kind of dough. As for the title of the upcoming book, there hasn't been any official word from Osteen's camp, but my money is on Your Utmost Very Bestest Life Now.

Apparently Osteen's wife, Victoria Osteen, will also be getting in on the publishing act soon. My sources tell me the topic of her book will deal with Air Travel Ettiquette.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

True Fellowship

I listened to one of Dr. Tom Constable's audio lesson's on Philippians Chapter 1 last night and he commented on Christian fellowship. He defines fellowship as "participating in and sharing the things of God with other believers."

These days in church life just about anything that includes two or more people in a room together at the same time is counted as fellowship, but often the meetings are hollow of any sharing of the things of God. I took this to heart.

Many times I have spent hours with Christian brothers with nary a mention of the things of God and thought in my mind afterward, "what fellowship we had!" I'm not advocating that 100% of our time hanging out with Christian friends or at church functions should be spent in serious spiritual conversations, fervent prayer, and accountability. However, I perceive that I can be much more intentional in this area.

Today I had the chance to have lunch with a dear brother in Christ and it was a time of mutual encouragement, spiritual sharing, and genuine cultivation of holiness. We certainly had some laughs and by no means was the entire time spent talking about spiritual issues, but I came away feeling like we had just lived out Dr. Constable's definition.

One of the first things my brother said when I told him that God has opened up the door for me to teach full time on Sundays, was that he was excited and happy for me. His words were genuine and I know that he had a God-given joy in his heart because of something God was doing in my life. This is how Godly fellowship should play out in our lives more often. Do we have true joy in our hearts when God is moving in the lives of our brothers and sisters? Are we sharing and participating in the things of God with them? My challenge to everyone this week (to myself, foremost) is to be intentional with fellowship. Don't let an opportunity pass you by to be joyful in your heart when God chooses to display His glory in the life of a friend.

Monday, March 13, 2006

The McLaren Files

Frankly, many of us don't know what we should think about homosexuality. We've heard all sides but no position has yet won our confidence so that we can say "it seems good to the Holy Spirit and us." That alienates us from both the liberals and conservatives who seem to know exactly what we should think. Even if we are convinced that all homosexual behavior is always sinful, we still want to treat gay and lesbian people with more dignity, gentleness, and respect than our colleagues do. If we think that there may actually be a legitimate context for some homosexual relationships, we know that the biblical arguments are nuanced and multilayered, and the pastoral ramifications are staggeringly complex. We aren't sure if or where lines are to be drawn, nor do we know how to enforce with fairness whatever lines are drawn.

Perhaps we need a five-year moratorium on making pronouncements. In the meantime, we'll practice prayerful Christian dialogue, listening respectfully, disagreeing agreeably. When decisions need to be made, they'll be admittedly provisional. We'll keep our ears attuned to scholars in biblical studies, theology, ethics, psychology, genetics, sociology, and related fields. Then in five years, if we have clarity, we'll speak; if not, we'll set another five years for ongoing reflection. After all, many important issues in church history took centuries to figure out. Maybe this moratorium would help us resist the "winds of doctrine" blowing furiously from the left and right, so we can patiently wait for the wind of the Spirit to set our course.


--Brian McLaren

Some of you may have run accross this beauty from self proclaimed grand pubah of all things Emerging Brian McLaren on Christianity Astray, err Christianity Today. In case I get called out for taking this quote out of context, please go here to read the entire article.

This piece has stirred quite a hornets nest among the emergers lately. McLaren has even drawn the ire of fellow emerging leader Mark Driscoll. If you follow the trail on Christianity Today's site, there are lots of fiery comments and a few rebuttals from McLaren himself.

Nobody blurs the lines of clear truth by twisting language quite like McLaren. I swear if he worked for Clinton he would still be president.

Volumes and volumes have been written on the web and in the blogosphere about this article, so I won't bother to add more. All biblical proof aside, McLaren ignores 2,000 years of clear and unanimous historical church teaching because he suddenly was faced with a "pastoral dilemma".

I just want my readers to be aware of the kind of thinking currently swelling in popularity among the young, white, middle-upper class, cool emerging church. There needs to be a moratorium on pastors who blatantly oppose clear biblical teaching in favor of loving, accepting, and tolerating. Is his message really any different than the garden-variety politically correct mumbo jumbo easily found on the nightly news each night?

Friday, March 10, 2006

Pee-Wee's Postmodern Playhouse


Heh, heh, today's secret word is "Christian-Atheist" boys and girls. You know what to do when you hear the secret word don't you?

The bizzaro world of postmodernism continues to dazzle and amaze. Tim Challies points out an interesting article about a self-proclaimed Christian-Atheist who is a member of a Presbyterian Church. Challies has one of the best known and best kept blogs (actually more like a website) in the Christian blogosphere and he is one of my daily must-reads.

This type of story should be no surprise to discerning believers who see through the facade of postmodernist inclusivism and general lovey-doveyness. This my dear readers is where the rabbit trail of postmodern theology eventually leads. The truth is treated like play-dough and the characters are nuttier than Conky the Robot. The Brian Mc Larens, Rob Bells, and their band of emergent merry men are on the same trippy path to feel-good apostasy that inevitably leads to this kind of outcome.

What would Captain Carl and Cowboy Curtis think about all this hooey?

All I can say is mecka lecka hi mecca hiney ho.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Where the Rubber Meets the Road

Today, in the "out there" column on Fox News I found a story about a man so fed up with the explicit immorality going on right next door to his house that he decided to fight back in a most creative manner.

Mr. Payne's decision to build a not-so-secret garden of colorful prophylactic beauty may be shocking to most passers by in Cape Coral, but I have to say I personally admire the idea. I don't know if Mr. Payne is a Christian or not, but his artistic integrity cannot be questioned.

It's interesting that the mayor's response was that the display was repulsive. Does he find the rampant fornication taking place on a daily basis as repulsive?

As a society, are we repulsed by our sin or are we repulsed more when someone has the gumption to point out our lifestyle as sinful? The answer for Mr. Mayor was clear, just clean up the mess and move along. Nothing to see here.

In light of the touch-feely postmodern, McLaren-Bell, amorphous "engage culture" theology that is quickly becoming the rage with 20-30 somethings, I am reminded how important it is for true believers to still call a sin a sin. We cannot love homosexuals and fornicators and adulterers in the way that Christ loves them if we don't stand firm for the clear biblical teaching on such matters. This will mean that people won't like us. This will mean that the world will find us repulsive sometimes. And this will mean that we are becoming like Jesus.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Transcending Relevance: An Unchanging God


I had the opportunity to speak to a group of young single adults last Sunday evening and the talk focused partly on this question:

What does being relevant really mean?

Merriam-Webster's online dictionary has two definitions:

a. having significant and demonstrable bearing on the matter at hand
b. affording evidence tending to prove or disprove the matter at issue or under discussion

Postmodernism's influence has turned "relevance" on its ear to the point that churches have adopted it as mantra, or in some cases part of their very own vision statement. In my opinion, this Christian buzzword has morphed in meaning so much so that it is now code for "a cooler way of doing church." Sadly, what this usually results in is the North American, white, middle-upper class, Gen x-y preference list for doing church.

What I'm not saying is that it is wrong to use updated music or movie clips as part of the Sunday morning worship, or even for our pastors and youth pastors to wear sandals and have soul patches. Let's get that out of the way first--in fact many good friends of mine have soul patches and I believe some of them might actually be saved. But who can really say for sure?

Now, back to the point. It's not that our churches' attempts to appear inviting to outsiders or welcoming to those who may not have grown up in church are inherently misguided or wrong. My view is that they are asking the wrong questions.

If we as Christians say that we are followers of Christ (and the church I attend has a motto that says "equipping fully devoted followers of Christ")and if we believe the apostle Paul when he said countless times in the new testament that we are in fact "in Christ", then our paradigm is not how we "do church better" or even how we appeal to the outsiders in a way that feels welcoming. It also is not about cooler music, more modern clothes, or using recent movie clips as illustrations in a sermon. All of those things are time dependent. They may be cool today, but by the time our kids grow up they will be about as cool as penny loafers and tight-rolled jeans. Some of my readers may shudder to think that one day in the future wearing a soul patch may not be any more popular than wearing an eye patch. May it never be!

So then, what is relevance about? If the preferences named above are dependent on the whims of culture than they shall surely sway like a reed blown by the wind. Our glorious God exists above time and beyond the trappings of whatever today's culture wishes to impose. His truth does not change. Do you believe that God's truth has meaning in the lives of people? Is God growing in knowledge, learning new things or is He all knowing for all times?

J.I. Packer says in Chapter 7 of his classic work Knowing God,

"People sometimes say things that they do not really mean, simply because they do not know their own mind; also, because their views change, they frequently find that they can no longer stand behind things that they said in the past. All of us sometimes have to take back our words, because they have ceased to express what we think; sometimes we have to eat our words because hard facts refute them.

The words of human beings are unstable things. But not so the words of God. They stand forever, as abidingly valid expressions of his mind and thought. No circumstances prompt him to recall them; no changes in his own thinking require him to amend them. Isaiah writes, 'All flesh is grass...The grass withers...But the word of God will stand forever'(Is 40:6-8 RSV). Similarly, the psalmist says 'Your word, O Lord, is eternal; it stands firm in the heavens...All your commands are true...You established them to last forever.' (Ps 119:89, 151-52.

The word translated true in the last verse carries with it the idea of stability. When we read our Bibles, therefore, we need to remember that God still stands behind all the promises, and demands, and statements of purpose, and words of warning, that are there addressed to New Testament believers. These are not relics of a bygone age, but an eternally valid revelation of the mind of God toward His people in all generations, so long as this world lasts."


What a mighty picture of a God who transcends time! Is God still just? Is he still merciful toward sinners? Is his gracious gift of salvation through Jesus Christ still available to men and women? Does the Holy Spirit still perform the mysterious work of convicting sinners and bringing them to salvation? Does the blood of Christ still have effect? Still today?

If so, then what a striking indictment on the popular definitions and views of what it means to be relevant. Does He fit the Merriam-Webster bill of having a significant and demonstrable bearing on the matter at hand? You bet he does. What is at hand are the very souls of men and my friends, they will not be saved by coolness, modern music, labyrinth prayers, candles, or omitting the word "sin" from our vocabularies.

Does he also 'afford evidence tending to prove or disprove the matter at issue or under discussion' as Merriam-Webster's second definition suggests? Colossians 1:16-17 says "For by Him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities--all things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together"(ESV). Folks, allow me to say it plainly. He is the evidence of truth. The world was created for Him and by Him. All things exist and are held together by His power. Can we trust Him? Always? If your answer is yes, then He is the only thing truly relevant we need worry ourselves about.

An unchanging God for a world bound by time, He is what is relevant, what matters. Let that be the song of our lives, the cry of our hearts, and the message of our testimony as we walk in a world that desperately needs Him.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

We're Going to Boston!

Beantown, get ready for the Sanfords. Thanks to my amazing wife's personal best time of 3 hours and 38 minutes at the freezing Austin marathon this past Sunday, we are going to Boston in April for the Boston Marathon. Kathy ran strong and long (26.2 miles to those who don't know how insane this is) along with her running partner Becky Parker and they both qualified for the Boston Marathon on April 17, 2006. I smell a visit to Fenway Park for Daddy. Or is that my coworker's lunch I'm smelling? You never know in this office.

I also owe a big chest bump to my man Todd "T-Rich" Richards for his unofficial world-record time of 2 hours and 9 minutes in the half-marathon.

However, as inspiring as Todd, Kathy, and Becky were on Sunday, they were severely upstaged by this deer (scroll down to the offbeat section).

Hopefully Bambi will be staying at home on Patriots Day.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

The Pursuit of Knowing Him


This week I've begun to sink my teeth into J.I. Packer's classic work, Knowing God. I've never read anything by Packer before, but his name and particularly this book seems to pop up frequently on must read book lists. With a hardy endorsement from my wife to boot, I am off and running.

In the book's first couple of chapters Packer draws clear lines between what it is to know things about God and what it is to truly know Him. He directly challenged my current burning interest in Theology with a great caution.

"We find in ourselves a deep interest in theology (which is, of course, a most fascinating and intriguing subject--in the seventeenth century it was every gentleman's hobby). We read books of theological expositions and apologetics. We dip into Christian history, and study the Christian creed. We learn to find our way around the scriptures... All very fine--yet interest in theology, and knowledge about God, and the capacity to think clearly and talk well on Christian themes, is not at all the same thing as knowing him. We may know as much about God as Calvin knew--indeed, if we study his works diligently, sooner or later we shall--and yet all the time(unlike Calvin I may say) we may hardly know God at all."

I think this is noteworthy to many of us growing in our faith and walks with God. As we grow in knowledge it can easily lead to a haughty attitude, a superiority complex, and flat out arrogance that doesn't glorify God on any grounds. We must be careful that we don't allow our knowledge to become the "knowledge that puffs up" as Paul once wrote. But how do guard against these results?

Packer goes on to say at the end of chapter 2, "First, we must recognize how much we lack knowledge of God. We must learn to measure ourselves, not by our knowledge about God, not by our gifts and responsibilities in the church, but by how we pray and what goes on in our hearts. Many of us, I suspect, have no idea how impoverished we are at this level. Let us ask the Lord to show us."

Very convicting stuff indeed. There is no doubt that the Lord has moved me to pick up this book for the very reason of keeping my ego in check as I pursue a very keen interest in theology. Tonight, I'll be praying that the Lord will show me how impoverished I really am by revealing the true condition of my heart.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Happy "Valentimes" Day Sweets



How lucky can one guy be?
I kissed her and she kissed me
Like the sailor once said
Ain't that a kick in the head?


I love it when I hear little kids refer to Valentines Day as "Valentimes Day". There is something extremely cute about that. I must confess, I actually thought it was really called Valentimes Day until I was about 15 years old. My beautiful wife and I said Happy Valentimes Day to each other when I left for work this morning. You see, it's the little things that make life grand.

I was reading Dustin's blog today about climbing a mountain with his wife on his honeymoon and it got me thinking of my own honeymoon in Tahoe and the mountain Kathy and I climbed together and the breath taking view from the summit.

We had to come down from Mount Tallac that gorgeous September day in California, but we have never stopped climbing together.


Thanks for being my companion on the big trail sweets. Here's to a grand adventure with you.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Why the World Hates Us

After a simply indescribable meal at Fadi's Mediterranean Restaurant last night, my sweets and I headed back to No Alarms headquarters for a couch-o-riffic viewing of the Olympics' opening ceremonies, not-so live from Torino, Italy. By the way, before we take this any further, I must implore you with utmost urgency to find your nearest Fadi's and order the combination kebob as if your very life depended on it. I'm talking an orgiastic feast of grilled beef, chicken, and lamb dipped in two secret savory sauces so sinfully delightful that I may have to repent of my enjoyment of it. Seriously, Jesus could return any moment and you may run out of time--don't roll the dice. You will thank me later. It would have been no less than criminal for me to exclude the Fadi's admonishment. Now, back to Torino.

Bob Costas was in usual spectacular form as he handled the host duties along with newsman Brian Williams (the only man in the history of America who has never been seen smiling). The pageantry of the various nations, replete with requisite funny hats, colorful attire and mini-flags a-wavin', made for an entertaining opener. They even had a guy get into a red Ferrari race car and burn donuts all over the stage--now this is not your father's Olympics. It's safe to say there wasn't a red-blooded male anywhere in either hemisphere who wasn't dreaming of being the guy behind the wheel of the Ferrari.

Sweets and I waited through what seemed like hundreds of countries I've never heard of, keeping ourselves awake for the Red, White, and Blue team to appear. And by the way, Costas has it on good authority that Serbia and Montenegro may be going splitsville in 2010. Can we get Billy Bush or Joan Rivers on this pronto?

What is also fascinating about watching the parade of nations is many of the smallest countries have only one athlete competing in the games. I kid you not, Ethiopia has a single athlete competing in the Torino games and do you want to know what sport? You guessed it, Ski Jumping. The National Geographic's I used to read when I was a kid never mentioned anything about the snowy white peaks or the plush ski resorts in Ethiopia. All those magazines ever showed were pictures of thousands of starving children and lots of empty dirt. Hmmm. Maybe this is why no one has seen Sally Strothers in years. Maybe while raising money for the starving kids, she got wise to the whole government ski resort conspiracy and was getting ready to blow the whistle on the whole operation. Someone must have been trying to keep Sally quiet. Geraldo?

Finally, the Americans came out of the tunnel waiving flags, taking video with personal mini-recorders, smiling like politicians on election day. It was very patriotic and wonderful to see the individual faces of the athletes and hear a little about their personal journeys. And then the NBC camera's found Kelly Clark, a former gold medalist among the US contingent of over 200. And what is Kelly doing? Talking on her cell phone. If that doesn't say it all about what's wrong with America today, I don't know what does. After all, the Olympic Opening Ceremony may be important to most people, but Kelly had to take the call.

Kelly, unless you are a heart surgeon, picking up the cell phone and jabbling away while representing your country before the entire known world screams only one thing. "Look at me, I'm so cool that even the Olympics are so lame that I would rather talk on my celly." I could only imagine eaves dropping on the call and hearing Kelly tell one of her cool friends (maybe even Paris Hilton) "...totally, like opening ceremonies are so 1988."

I'm sure Kelly isn't evil, but the whole thing smacks of arrogance and a lack of respect for the games, the United States, and all of the other athletes who understand the honor of participating in the world's oldest games. I'll put it to you this way, what would we think if an actress had her name announced as the winner of the Best Actress award at the Oscars and proceeded to walk up to the stage talking on her cell phone?

This is why the world hates us. Now go to Fadi's.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

King of Pope?

Where do you turn when you are a middle aged, former superstar, repeatedly accused of child molestation, exiled from your own country, and teetering on the edge of bankruptcy? It appears the King of Pop may soon become the King of Pope. Michael Jackson, who's turned out nearly as many hits in the past 15 years as musical stalwarts Bruce Willis and Right Said Fred, may be taking his act to Rome.

Michael, this just in--the church is trying to repair its image. Just because you record on their album doesn't mean they will let you play with the altar boys.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

We should have seen this one coming

Well, for years and years I have been warning people about the inherent dangers of rural parasailing. Sadly, my fears became reality this morning in Robinson, TX when this seemingly innocent father-son outing took a tragic turn.

How many more of our young men have to die for no reason? Can we get Cindy Sheehan to make some noise here? Why hasn't the Bush administration done anything to prevent tractor parasailing despite repeated warnings?

I want answers!

Friday, February 03, 2006

I'm OUT baby!


All right, all right, the constant pressure of living a lie has finally gotten the better of me. I can't, with good conscious, continue to hide the real me. I admit it, I'm a closet Dancing with the Stars fan. There, I said it...are you happy now? I bet you are.

I was around for the first season last Summer when the coveted title came down to Mr. Peterman vs. the lovely and talented (and did I mention lovely?)Kelly Monaco. There is something about ballroom dancing that just sizzles my bacon and I don't care if the world knows it.

The competition for the second season has been fairly intense with the early money riding on the famous long legs of WWE star Stacey Keibler. Soap star Lisa Rinna and K-list celebrity Drew Lachey are keeping things tight so far. By the way, I had to invent a new category of celebrity for Drew Lachey. He's not really a celebrity and he's not really kin to an A-list celebrity ala Frank Stallone. Drew is the brother of C-list celebrity Nick Lachey, better known by his former name, Nicky Simpson. Hence the K-list tag for little Drew. He's kin to a C-lister and that qualifies him for competition on DWTS. And therein lies the secret of the show's success--spot-on casting.

Last night Stacey started things out with a sultry Samba and registered the first ever perfect score from the judges. I nearly spit water all over my coffee table when judge Bruno Tonioli declared to Stacey in his Italian accent, "you are a weapon of mass seduction!" I love Bruno's over the top reactions--this guy is worth the price of admission.

Tonight we will find out who will be eliminated. If former NFL great and Hall of Famer Jerry Rice is the one to go, it will leave George Hamilton (pictured above)as the only remaining African American competitor.

Now that I'm out of the closet, I'd like to know what your guilty TV pleasures are. So?

Thursday, February 02, 2006

HAPPY GROUNDHOG DAY!



A shoutout is due to Punxsutawney Phil and all my other G-hog's on the most underappreciated holiday in America. Holla.

Welcome to the Blogosphere Dustin "Deluxe" Bennett



The ripples have been felt throughout the farthest reaches of blogdom today as our good friend Dustin "Deluxe" Bennett launched his sure-to-be solid gold top 40 hit blog. The fast-spreading news of this dramatic occurence is sure to make the Scott Farkus affair fade in the collective national concious.

I'm sure you'll want to join me in welcoming Deluxe to the world of blogging. Stop by here and say hello.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Rock Climbing Manana Dude!


"Step off dude!"


Manana I'll be loading up the gear, piling into a van along with 60 spectacular junior high dudes and their dads, and making the jolly trek up to Mineral Wells,TX for some rock climbing, rapelling, and no doubt some garden variety adolescent hijinx. Lets hope I return on Sunday in a little better condition than cool-guy Tony did. Not to worry--I'm bringing sandwiches.

All early indications point to this retreat being nothing less than a life-changing event. After all, the whole thing is being masterminded by guy so cool he makes pretty-boy Tony look like Clay Aiken. Of course I'm speaking of HFBC's very own Jeremy Camp...err..Nick Shock (yeah, like we all believe that's his real name).

Seriously, I'm looking forward to God doing some great things in all of our hearts this weekend. I'll be back on Monday with a full post mortem...err...recap. Must be getting close to the end of the week.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

They Know Not What They Do



Kanye, if you had the slightest understanding of the depth of suffering that the crown of thorns represents, you would have run so far away from that photo shoot that we would have to call you Kanye East. If you could only feel the weight of humiliation and separation that those fake scars represent, you would have not only passed on the idea, but refused the cover all together. Would you pose as Martin Luther King with a gunshot wound to his head? Would Rolling Stone even suggest it? Of course not.

Jan Wenner, I pray for your soul, that God has not hardened your heart. Your magazine stopped being relevant a long time ago.

I found myself filled with righteous anger upon discovering this cover. Not anger at Kanye or Jan, but the powers and principalites that rule this earth. Let's pray for God to reveal himself to all who were involved with this mockery of the true Lord and Savior.

And please don't buy Rolling Stone.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Kick save, and a beauty!


Last week I was lucky enough to witness one of the greatest moments in human history. As I was shuffling zombie-like onto the parking garage elevator that takes me down to beautiful 1300 Post Oak each wonderful work day, a couple of other stagglers followed suit, shortly behind. I found myself in a rather routine situation--elevator of 4 people, no one talking or saying so much as hi. As we waited for the door to close, a woman could be seen making her way toward the elevator. Though far enough away that she didn't really deserve an elevator hold, it was a close call. Being the good Christian, I looked down as not to make eye contact (once you make eye contact, you are morally obligated to hold the elevator and if you don't, it could be bad news later on down the karma highway) and no one else in the elevator appeared to be stepping up--not the well dressed business woman, not the portly security guard with too much perfume, and certainly not the burly maintenance guy.

The doors were almost closed as the woman came within feet of the elevator with a face that pleaded solemnly for mercy. Too late, I thought. You'll have to catch the next one down.

And then, as if summoning Pele' or Lou Groza, from the back of the elevator came the swiftest, most spectacular one legged high kick from a squatty, gray-haired maintenance guy the world has ever seen. His foot wedged right in between the two doors! It was just in time--like Indiana Jones. Suddenly the doors were opening and the delighted woman was on board. The squatty maintenance hero was shrugging it off as if it was nothing. I couldn't restrain myself. I looked into his eyes as if I were face to face with Kirk Gibson after the Eckersly homerun and blurted out this beauty: "THAT WAS AWESOME".

Squatty hero just giggled some unintelligable noises. A few seconds went by and then the others in the elevator started laughing--more out of amazement than anything. I wanted to see an instant replay.

As we filed off the elevator I heard the hero mention to his young and burly counterpart, "well, at least some people are actually smiling today".

He is a maintenance guy working in a building full of "business" men and women. The smiles are probably rare to come his way.

I looked down so I didn't have to feel guilty about not holding the elevator for one more person. He gladly jumped in to help someone who probably would not have done the same for him.

The moral of the story: You can learn great biblical truths from squatty old maintenance men.